You’re doing it wrong: Polygamy

I’m like a traveling machine: when I’m not having sex or writing about having sex, I’m traveling.

I know what you’re thinking. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for travel. And you’d be right. Still I manage to squeeze in a trip on a giant winged dildo every once in a while.

A year ago, I was a part of a discussion concerning the merits of polygamy with an African chief. It all started with the subject of marriage, which is a far safer topic than politics or religion. Unless you get proposed to. Er. Not that that has happened to me.

One of my friends, a man complained that one woman was enough trouble by herself.

The Africa chief blinked in confusion and said, “You know. I hear that a lot from Western men. The problem is you’re doing it wrong.”

Each woman had their own household. Do NOT put them together in one house.

Flava Flav knows its all about time management

I agreed with the African chief. We’re doing it wrong.

So I proceeded to propose the way I would do it. I proposed that women should also be able to have multiple husbands as long as she can provide them with their own household. See? I don’t want to take away the potential for multiple partners, but if we’re going to do it that way, I want in on the action. Equality doesn’t necessarily mean I want to take it all away, but I do want the same options and opportunities.

see? isn’t this much better?

Dance of Seduction

Dancing. Can it ever be innocent?

most men just stopped reading.

Nothing showcases a woman’s body like a dance. When I dance it is one of the rare moments that I am conscious of every curve, every muscle that tenses and relaxes. I feel every eye on me as my body unfurls and invites the eyes of those that watch me deeper inside.

Is it ever innocent? Define innocence. Do I have a malevolent plan of seduction? No. Do I enjoy the longing looks? Yes.

Everybody wants to be desired.  And a woman’s body was built to be worshiped.

As much as the grinding of a man’s hard body against mine turns me on, the soft, fluid movements of dancing with a woman will entrance me.

When you’re done staring at the gorgeous woman swaying her hips, I’d love to hear what you think… 😉

Felt Tips, Coming 12-12-12

Mark your Calendars! Juliana Sliema is in an anthology edited by Tifanny Reisz, author of The Siren!

Since she put it so eloquently I will quote her, “Please congratulate all our fine FELT TIPS writers when you see them on Twitter. They donated their time and talents to this charity anthology. Because of them, some kids who couldn’t afford new school supplies and some down-on-their-luck parents who can’t afford work clothes will be getting a hand from our one-handed read.”

you want me to do what with the phone?

Check out the list of talented authors in the table of contents I plucked from her blog post:

FELT TIPS

THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

Jenny Lyn – Indelible

Karen Booth – Taking Dictation

Karen Stivali – Hard at Work

Heather Cole – The Saint of Office Hell

Blacksilk – Of Silver, Sin, and School Desks

Brittany Lawrence – Mine

Eric Andrew Satchwill – What Is It, Suzie?

Gwen Marie Porter – My New Office Chair

Amber Lin – Proof

Jason Darrick – Stapled

Kelly Jamieson – Getting Down to Business

AmyBeth Inverness – In the Closet

Rebecca Stewart – Special Delivery

Marie Wright – The Drawing

Sopphey Vance – Down to the Point

Lynne Silver – Doing it Write

Jillian Boyd – Mark Me

Shoshanna Evers – Tape

Alyssa Linn Palmer – Vee

Sandra Bunino – The Fountain Pen

Antonio Angelo – Trust Me

Lela Gwenn – Whiteboard

Xander Grimm – The Night Shift

Kiki Snow – The Benefits of Multitasking

R. Brennan – Routine Maintenance

Maxine Marsh – The Boss

Cara Ellyn – Private Message

Erin Danielle – All Marked Up

Lucy Felthouse – A Stroke of Peach

Anya Winter – The Server

Diana Cruz – A Rough Night at the Office

Emily Cale – A Planned Encounter

Patricia Correll – Theo’s Donation

Morgan Sierra – The Motion of the Ocean

Candice Bundy – Open Rack

K Fish – The Antique

Memory Scarlett – Silky & Silvered

Michelle Ribaric – All Work & No Play

Stella Harris – Turnabout

Juliana Sliema – Caught

Jade Adkins – Embrace the Strength Inside

Amanda Fletcher – What Happens at STAPLES

Allie Sanders – Love Letters

Tiffany Reisz – Teacher’s Pet

So like I said, remember the date (shouldn’t be too hard) and do contribute to charity with your clean hand. 😉

10 Statues Worth Having Sex With

10. Victor Noir

Victor Noir’s errection was immortalized and I absolutely cannot let a nice hard on like that go to waste. He was an obvious rake that led an adventurous life, shot down by Napoleon’s great-nephew, Pierre Bonaparte, after trying to arrange the terms of a duel. Men dueling kind of gets me hot, until the stupidity of their actions sets in. Part of the thrill will be straddling him and avoiding the security. Apparently, I’m not the only one who fantasizes about Victor.

9. The Hermaphroditos Asleep

turn around and SURPRISE!

This statue offers the best of both worlds. A beautiful, rounded ass with wide hips, where you can slide your hands along their parabolic curves. Supple breasts rest on a broad chest and a stiff penis awaits your touch to awaken it. My lesbian tendencies are perfectly balanced with the male equipment. Maybe it sounds twisted, but how often do you get to satiate your curiosity in such a way?

8. Two Peeing Guys

threesome anyone?

Although watersports are not usually my thing, this David Cerny statue has a lot of potential. First of all, its basically a threesome waiting to happen. I’m ready to bend over and take another in my mouth. There is more these statues can do however: they move! The top part of the body swivels and their penises move up and down. You probably think statues don’t know what they are doing, but you can send an SMS to the number indicated and have them write that text. With a little creative thinking, I think I could quite enjoy myself…

7. Woman by Ales Vesely

might have the sculptor wrong, but the important parts are smooth and silky

This entry might be a little less know and portray more of my lesbian side, but look at those curves. My hand could slip right between her legs before I even knew it. The way she is lifted up in the air provides me with easy access to provide her pleasure and watch her statuesque features contort in ecstasy. Yes, I know it’s just a statue, but sometimes I get carried away in my own fantasies.

6. Les Amants

sometimes i just want to cuddle

Another opportunity for a threesome is this cute statue in Brussels. I just want to climb between them and feel their gentle kisses over me. I’m not all about hard sex all the time. Sometimes, I’m a lady too and I want sweet and tender caresses.

5. Unknown Chinese Guy’s Tomb

Supplies!

And we’re back to hardcore sex! Enough cuddling. Who can resist this statue? It does a lot to dispel the baseless myth surrounding Chinese men. At least back in the 13th Century, they were clearly mutants. Look at that woman’s face. It says it all. It is a look we women crave all our lives, that mixture of surprise, lust, and well just plain fear. Still, we must all face our fears…

4. Penis-dog creature thing

oh fifi!

You don’t always want to make the effort for sex. Sometimes, it is better to spend some quite reflective time alone. For those quite moments alone, this is the perfect statue. Easy and undemanding, I can sit in a bath, light some candles and slip this statue inside me. No one need even know. This can be our little secret.

3. Multi-boobs

i need more hands!!!

Breasts, no matter how you look at them, they are beautiful. The alien with 3 breasts in Total Recall has become a legend, because everyone loves boobs. Another case of my lesbian desire to feel the supple flesh of breast cool against my fingertips and this statue certainly has enough breasts for me. I can feel myself getting wet from more than just the fountain as my mind struggles to decide which breast to fondle.

2. The Golden Man

ok, now i believe in angels

It was almost inevitable that there would be another David Cerny statue on this list. Look at that. It is a giant, muscular, golden man, sitting on the edge of the National Theater and coming in a powerful burst on all the people walking beneath him. Now if that doesn’t get you wet, I don’t know what will.

1. Oscar Wilde’s Tomb

The Pere Lachaise Cemetery  actually had to cover the tombstone with glass so people would stop kissing it. It had been kissed so often the grease was wearing the stone away. Sure some other bitch stole the rock hard cock to keep it all for herself, but just look at the way the angel is poised to take me from behind. There is even a convenient place for me to get on all fours and grind against his granite genitals. To top it all of, it Oscar Wilde is lying beneath you and despite what this list suggests, I’m not a necropheliac, but I have often fantasized about Oscar. He was so sexy and had the seductive advantage of being able to make me laugh. An undisputed number one!