10 Statues Worth Having Sex With

4 Jun

10. Victor Noir

Victor Noir’s errection was immortalized and I absolutely cannot let a nice hard on like that go to waste. He was an obvious rake that led an adventurous life, shot down by Napoleon’s great-nephew, Pierre Bonaparte, after trying to arrange the terms of a duel. Men dueling kind of gets me hot, until the stupidity of their actions sets in. Part of the thrill will be straddling him and avoiding the security. Apparently, I’m not the only one who fantasizes about Victor.

9. The Hermaphroditos Asleep

turn around and SURPRISE!

This statue offers the best of both worlds. A beautiful, rounded ass with wide hips, where you can slide your hands along their parabolic curves. Supple breasts rest on a broad chest and a stiff penis awaits your touch to awaken it. My lesbian tendencies are perfectly balanced with the male equipment. Maybe it sounds twisted, but how often do you get to satiate your curiosity in such a way?

8. Two Peeing Guys

threesome anyone?

Although watersports are not usually my thing, this David Cerny statue has a lot of potential. First of all, its basically a threesome waiting to happen. I’m ready to bend over and take another in my mouth. There is more these statues can do however: they move! The top part of the body swivels and their penises move up and down. You probably think statues don’t know what they are doing, but you can send an SMS to the number indicated and have them write that text. With a little creative thinking, I think I could quite enjoy myself…

7. Woman by Ales Vesely

might have the sculptor wrong, but the important parts are smooth and silky

This entry might be a little less know and portray more of my lesbian side, but look at those curves. My hand could slip right between her legs before I even knew it. The way she is lifted up in the air provides me with easy access to provide her pleasure and watch her statuesque features contort in ecstasy. Yes, I know it’s just a statue, but sometimes I get carried away in my own fantasies.

6. Les Amants

sometimes i just want to cuddle

Another opportunity for a threesome is this cute statue in Brussels. I just want to climb between them and feel their gentle kisses over me. I’m not all about hard sex all the time. Sometimes, I’m a lady too and I want sweet and tender caresses.

5. Unknown Chinese Guy’s Tomb

Supplies!

And we’re back to hardcore sex! Enough cuddling. Who can resist this statue? It does a lot to dispel the baseless myth surrounding Chinese men. At least back in the 13th Century, they were clearly mutants. Look at that woman’s face. It says it all. It is a look we women crave all our lives, that mixture of surprise, lust, and well just plain fear. Still, we must all face our fears…

4. Penis-dog creature thing

oh fifi!

You don’t always want to make the effort for sex. Sometimes, it is better to spend some quite reflective time alone. For those quite moments alone, this is the perfect statue. Easy and undemanding, I can sit in a bath, light some candles and slip this statue inside me. No one need even know. This can be our little secret.

3. Multi-boobs

i need more hands!!!

Breasts, no matter how you look at them, they are beautiful. The alien with 3 breasts in Total Recall has become a legend, because everyone loves boobs. Another case of my lesbian desire to feel the supple flesh of breast cool against my fingertips and this statue certainly has enough breasts for me. I can feel myself getting wet from more than just the fountain as my mind struggles to decide which breast to fondle.

2. The Golden Man

ok, now i believe in angels

It was almost inevitable that there would be another David Cerny statue on this list. Look at that. It is a giant, muscular, golden man, sitting on the edge of the National Theater and coming in a powerful burst on all the people walking beneath him. Now if that doesn’t get you wet, I don’t know what will.

1. Oscar Wilde’s Tomb

The Pere Lachaise Cemetery  actually had to cover the tombstone with glass so people would stop kissing it. It had been kissed so often the grease was wearing the stone away. Sure some other bitch stole the rock hard cock to keep it all for herself, but just look at the way the angel is poised to take me from behind. There is even a convenient place for me to get on all fours and grind against his granite genitals. To top it all of, it Oscar Wilde is lying beneath you and despite what this list suggests, I’m not a necropheliac, but I have often fantasized about Oscar. He was so sexy and had the seductive advantage of being able to make me laugh. An undisputed number one!

6 Responses to “10 Statues Worth Having Sex With”

  1. Emma June 5, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    This is a joke, right?

    • julianasliema June 18, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

      i know, i could barely believe the moving penis statue either! but no, its 100% real, no joke!

  2. Grinelda Markowitz June 10, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    what an interesting post. definitely some fodder for the imagination here.

    • julianasliema June 18, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

      thanks! i like to fuel the imagination. i take no responsibility if you get caught. 😉

  3. Theo Black July 5, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    I had to google the Hermaphroditos Asleep. He/she is strangely fascinating. Nice ass.

    • julianasliema July 8, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

      right?! i don’t think my body is quite equipped to deal with the confusion is generated by what it sees!

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