The Wicked

20 May

I left teeth marks. I would tell you I felt bad, but I don’t. It makes me a bit proud, like marking my territory.

They’re not very deep and its not like he complained when I was making them. Well, he was yelling and pulling my hair, so that might have been a complaint, but he was also thrusting himself deeper into my mouth. It was difficult to breathe and I was light-headed choking on his scent.

 

 

Fetish-clopedia: An Introduction

13 May

We all have our fetishes. Strange connections to our erotic brains, a more complex excitement. What fall under the category is broad and fascinating, as the mundane, the repulsive, the painful slip into the sexual, the sensual.

As a young woman, I wasn’t even aware of any fetishes that I had, at least not on a conscious level. Lurking in my limbic system, my fetish fed my arousal.

 

why did this turn me on? stay tuned to find out...

why did this turn me on? stay tuned to find out…

 

As simple as preferring the perfume adverts with women in high heels, my heart rate would increase. They needn’t even be sexual images, there needn’t be handsome men. There was just something there that turned me on, at first inexplicably and each time I tried to pinpoint it, it would grow worse and worse.

I don’t know the background to why these tiny details wrecked havoc with my desires. It could be the contrast of the sharp, needle pointed heels, with the vulnerability, the fragility of balancing on them.

As I grew older and the Internet expanded. I learned rarely was anyone alone in these particular tastes. In an effort to explore them further, I’m starting up the Fetish-clopedia. Every so often, I plan on taking a fetish explaining what it is and exploring its sensual aspects.

Of course, I haven’t experienced them all myself, but as always invite you to contribute. I’m always happy to hear another sex story.

Pynchon in Public

6 May

As it happens, I seem to be gathering more posts about Pynchon than pussy. But a man who can occupy a woman’s mind, it so much more powerful than one that can occupy her body. A man who can occupy both is an angel, because my body needs the tender touch of feathers on my skin at the same time as I need to be held in his strong grip.

What can I say? I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m an angel under-cover… Or was it I’m an angel under the covers… cause unless I’m a fallen angel, that is far from the truth. I’m a perfect angel out of the covers. A true gentle-lady. The kind who lifts a pinky while she drinks. The kind who stops to help elderly ladies cross the street, no matter how much they protest.

Get away from me, I ain’t giving you my wallet!

But ma’am I just want to help…

I don’t need your stinking help.

At least let me carry your grocery bags.

Why so you can runoff with them? I wasn’t born yesterday.

Yes ma’am you got me. I was going to rob you of your potatoes and onions.

 

little old lade

i’m just jealous of all that junk she got in that trunk.

While we’re on the topic of angels, I would just like to clarify when I die and go to heaven I do not want 52 virgins. I don’t want to teach lovemaking classes when I get to heaven. Give me 52 men who know what they are doing. I might even settle for some well-educated, well-researched virgins if I have no other options.

The point of this ramble is to say how excited I am about May 8th. Its the best day of the year after sex in public day, which I might add goes down surprisingly well with the neighbors, it is Pynchon in Public day.

For a work of dense (like a black hole) literature, Gravity’s Rainbow has enough one-liners to entertain the Last Action Hero audience, so as I’ve spent 9 months reading it, it is time for this baby to come out in public.

My perversions

29 Apr

I love tests.

Maxim provided a great test their self-help section. After quickly answering the questions and calculating my score the test advised me to curve my sexual perversions.

I was briefly offended that Maxim did not consider me kinky enough, until I realized I had read it wrong.

It suggested I ‘curb my sexual perversion’.

I glowed with pride.

Coincidences! Controversy! Starting an old school attention fight!

8 Apr

Nothing to get one’s career in writing smut going like a bit of dirty dirty controversy. Unfortunately, to the great disappointment of scatophiliacs the world over, I refuse to fling my feces around, even at other people.

So, I was checking my amazon books, as an obsessive author is want to do every so often (every 5 minutes! I don’t have time to write anymore! what has become of me! let me check my books again!) and I noticed a little something.

You may know that Amazon, the clever buggers that they are have this little feature under each book.

Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed:

and this is what I found:

51Oa1XaHR5L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-65,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_

Holy SHIT!!! I thought (to the joy of scatophiliacs worldwide). Did I accidentally steal someone’s idea? I thought I was being original!

For those unaware this is my book:

medusa's lover copy

No, it’s probably completely different. It’s just a coincidence the titles are so similar. So, I went ahead and read the description:

“When Medusa was beautiful, finding a man to love her was easy. Poseidon fought for glances from her heavy-lidded eyes against suitors who proposed whenever she left her house. Even goddesses weren’t treated with such worship.

Athena grew jealous. She allowed Medusa to be violated in the Parthenon and turned her into a monster for her indiscretion.

Now when Medusa stares into the eyes of men, they scream as their skin hardens into stone. A caress against her cheek will be rewarded with the poisonous bites of the snakes that slither on her head.

No man is brave enough to approach her, until Perseus is ordered by the gods to kill her.

When they meet, desire sizzles between them. They are willing to risk it all-death, the wrath of the gods, the destruction of their families-if it means they can spend one more night together.”

I thought to myself: HOLY SHIT!

That’s exactly the plot of my short erotica story, except elaborated into a full-length novel.

Here’s the brief description of mine:

“Medusa is loathed by the gods themselves. Their jealousy and hatred forcing her into solitude, she spent an eternity alone with her desires when Perseus finally comes to kill her.

Will Perseus be able to destroy the monster, or will he be consumed by her desires?”

Then, I checked the publishing dates to see if I should be worried Mrs. Black would be writing me a complaint letter.

I published my story in July 2012, hers was published in November 2012. So, I was first. Therefore I say:

3742030-1x1-340x340

pppthhhhhbrtttt!

Anyways, who knows if it is coincidence, I must confess I haven’t read the actual book by Mrs. Black, but it sure seems damn close from the title and description. Can’t really copyright an idea and a myth is a myth and by goodness she wrote the whole 224 pages, which is no small amount of work, but I would appreciate a shout out from Mrs. Black if my story inspired her!

So something like this:

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Juliana Sliema’s Medusa’s Lover is a real inspiration!

Anyways, check out my other stories before someone else steals my thunder!

Coming soon

25 Mar

You know I will. 😉

This Monday has been busy. Blog post coming soon.

Juliana Sliema: On eBooks

19 Mar

Unfortunately, unlike the ‘It must be 5 o’clock somewhere’ doesn’t work as ‘It must be Monday somewhere.’

Today, rather than write anything steamy, I’d like to borrow a page from Nietzsche and modernize it. Actually, to be quite honest I’m not even sure it Nietzsche specifically wrote anything “On Books”, but at least I’m stealing his format.

Hate them or love them, eBooks are a revolution. Like the dot.com revolution, the vast amount of aspiring authors have caused the market to mushroom and implode, popping the eBook bubble for authors. Companies like Amazon still make great business out of self publishing authors, based on what I would like to coin, the office principle; stealing, er, I mean earning, a few cents from the millions of self-published authors. Even if you sell only one book to your mother (hopefully my mother hasn’t read my books!), if every self-published author manages this, Amazon or whatever service you’re using still comes out with a decent profit. (Although they may disagree. 🙂 )

But a digress. My English teacher would have failed me for terrible essay writing structure, but she’s probably my biggest fan without her knowing it. That’s right, you know I’m talking to you.

Back to the point I was going to make which is despite all their flaws and limitations eBooks give us authors an incredible opportunity to experiment. Basically, when cutting out the publishing costs there is no risk for us. We can write our generation’s Animal Farm without having to go from publisher to publisher and getting rejections for political reasons. Although of course it is “impossible to sell animal stories in the U.S.A.”

We as authors can bypass that bullshit now.

Content isn’t the only way we can experiment. We have complete creative freedom to do what we like with the book. Adding pictures, graphs (the little known art of erotic statistics – “show me another chart, baby” is a common phrase in many academic circles), hyperlinks, there is much more flexibility than just paper.

Now, I don’t pretend to be an expert in anything. There’s even probably a sex trick or two you could teach me, I’m talking to you English teacher. But… I don’t think this potential is fully being tapped into by authors. Especially established authors. You have the audience already, make an experiment see how it goes.

I’ve got something in mind and will let you know when it’s up. It’s just slightly more work than an ordinary story and I need the time.

The comments are open if you want to throw ideas at me, or each other. Just don’t complain when an idea hits you smack in the face.

8 Mar

Aerogramme Writers' Studio

Pixar's 22 Rules of Storytelling
These rules were originally tweeted by Emma Coats, Pixar’s Story Artist. Number 9 on the list – When you’re stuck, make a list of what wouldn’t happen next – is a great one and can apply to writers in all genres.

  1. You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

View original post 480 more words

4 Mar

I knew she was trouble from the moment she walked through my door. Her kind of woman always meant trouble. Long blond hair flowed over her bare shoulders. Endless legs extended by expensive stilettos and a designer dress that cost more than a year of my rent. Back in the days I could afford rent, since I was sleeping in the office these days. She stared down disapproving of my feet on the desk. It probably wasn’t ladylike enough for her taste.

“Can I help you?” I asked pulling out two whiskey tumblers and a bottle of Scotch. Cheap shit, barely aged past three years, but it was all I could afford at the moment. Something told me my fortunes were about to change.

“I’m looking for T. Kane, P.I.” she said.

“How can I help you?” I poured her a glass of whiskey before pouring one for myself. “Take a load off.”

“You’re Kane?” she asked with a mixture of surprise and disgust.

“Tina Kane, at your service. Sorry if I don’t meet your standard, but not all of us can marry rich,” I downed my whiskey.

“Marry rich?” she scoffed. “I wouldn’t have to come here if I married rich.”

She gave the chair an apprehensive look clearly debating whether she should sit down.

“I cleaned that chair about a year ago after Fat Joe sweat all over it. It’s probably the cleanest thing in the office now,” I said.

She sat on the edge of the seat, careful not to let her skin touch any part of it.

“I actually came to you, because my husband is cheating,” she wrung her hands. I poured myself another glass and waited in silence for her to continue. “I didn’t marry rich, but he did. If I divorce him without legitimate grounds for divorce I’ll lose half my estate.”

“So what do you want me to do?” I asked.

“I need you to follow him and get proof. My whole estate’s on the line, so you can expect to be well rewarded,” she said.

“That’s all I needed to hear,” I drained my glass again.

“He’s out playing golf now, so I brought his day planner. This way you can have an idea of his schedule,” she pulled a leather bound agenda from her purse.

I flipped through the pages to today’s date. Her husband’s messy handwriting covered the page.

“I see you’re meeting him for lunch tomorrow,” I pointed at the entry.

“No, not that I know of,” she peered at the entry.

“Meeting with wife, it says,” I insisted.

“I’m not meeting him tomorrow,” she said looking genuinely confused.

“Well, then I guess I’ll go and find out what he’ll be doing at Sand Hotel,” I said leaning back in my chair.

“You’re the expert,” she said her voice riddled with doubt. “I’d better head back and put his planner where I found it before he gets back from his game. Here’s my card, let me know if you need anything.”

She gave me her card and put the agenda back in her purse before leaving. I watched her hips sway through the sheer fabric of her white dress. The fabric was snug around her tight rear and I was sure she wasn’t wearing any panties. Absently, I imagined how she would look under her designer dress. She was probably soft and smooth, covered in all kinds of creams to make her even softer and smoother. I’ve always wanted to sleep with a rich woman and make their snooty face contort into ugly expressions of uncontrolled desire. I shook my head, pushing the images of her naked body out of my mind.

She had left her glass of whiskey untouched, so I downed it. No use letting it go to waste, even if it was the cheap shit.

Snap a couple of pictures of the cheating bastard and then cash in. If only life was always this easy.

Want more? It’s free for limited time only!!

private eye copy

Gone with the Wind

25 Feb

 

I know what many of you are thinking.

Actually, I have no idea.

But if you were thinking, When will she update her blog?

Then you have your answer. (Which is now, of course).

Unbelievable as it may sound, I’m not able to make a living writing sexy stories yet. So to avoid sleeping on the streets and eating from the trash, (which, generally would result in un-sexiness) I have been otherwise engaged.

So in order to apologize for my long absence (and blatant parenthesis abuse) I’m going to give away a freebie.

Starting next week 4th of March, I’ll be giving away, for a limited time only…

 

private eye copy

Hope you’ll enjoy it!

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