Gravity’s Rainbow – Will Pynchon make me cream my panties?

21 May

I might write filthy, dirty, sex stories, but I’m still a writer. I still have an undying obsession with literature and an adoration of the classics. Those geniuses who cause millions of literary erections and made many women cream their panties with the word play. Thomas Pynchon is one of those greats and I’m almost ashamed I haven’t started working on him earlier.

Gravity’s Rainbow is a huge poser book though, so I went to my local coffee shop, order a triple mochacholatta latte chai. Of course, I had to dress the part so I put on my best intellectual clothes: my black turtle neck (it really wraps my breasts), my skinny jeans (men will let me cut in line just to get a better look), and my hipster hat.

This one. I love the retro look.

Now, let me be straight with you. I haven’t finished the book. It took my about 5 hours to read the first 20 pages. The amount of wordplay and references Mr. Pynchon manages to squeeze into his run-on sentences makes each one more dense than a hungry black hole (the kind that floating around the cosmos, I know what you were thinking).

Back to the coffee shop with my quadruple capucccinochata latte chai in hand I turned page by page. He was turning my on a little, my body follows the cues of my mind as it absorbed every little detail of the many characters. And there is sex, I mean, the book was written in the 70s, so it would have never seen the light of day without sex.

The weird thing is, it wasn’t even the sex that turned me on. It was the little things (and its not usually the little things that do it for me): the metaphors. I got a little wet when the men looked around the apartment for the hair of the very dog that had mauled them the night before, but I positively creamed my panties when he describes Slothrop’s desk. Now, you might be a little grossed out, but the image was so striking for me, it totally got me hot and bothered. He describes the layers of junk on Slothrop’s desk as a “base of bureaucratic  smegma that sifts steadily to the bottom.”

As someone with a lot of experience with bureaucracy, like every other person on the planet, I really felt that sentence and I can no longer look at a desk in the same way again. Also, I can never go back to that coffee shop…

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