5 Foods to Spice up your Sex Life

24 Sep

Ever try those aphrodisiac foods? There are so many of them and none of them work. The authors, sexologists, and whatever other quacks there are list all kinds of superstitions and para-science as fact.

So, I got to thinking, if people are really so anxious to get turned on by food maybe I could offer a solution.

So while staring intently at my fruit bowl, I slid my fingers into my pants. And then it hit me, they were using the food all wrong.

I’ve even included a few for my male readers.

5. Banana

so horny, er... hungry

You say cliche, I say classic. There is a reason it works over and over again. Men watching a woman eat a banana with slow deliberate bites see only one thing. You might need to practice a bit, since there is a fine line between sensual and ridiculous, but I know nary a man who manages to stay soft. And I don’t know about you, imagining the banana is a penis and knowing that man you’re targeting is getting turned on… it is difficult to get me hotter…

4. Olive oil

Forget cooking. That’s not how olive oil works. Spread it over your body, feel your hands slide over your curves, so smooth so gentle that your hands with a will of there own will caress you to climax. Olive oil is, of course, much better shared with someone else. Watch their skin glisten as you explore their slippery slopes.

3. Watermelon

Close you mouth girls, this one isn’t for you. Even I know my limits. I can accept the fact that most men are against receiving, but that shouldn’t stop them from the fun. We all know that warm apple pie might be the staple, but if you want to do it healthy, I can recommend the watermelon. Stick it in the fleshy hole and if your lucky a lovely lady may lick off the sweet juices. Of the watermelon, you perv.

2. Cucumber

The cucumber may be a little bland in taste, but it is the king of the sex foods. Don’t tell me you walk through the vegetable isle and never think about that cucumber. Peel the skin to leave the slippery and cool vegetable phallus and you’re good to go. Suitable for vegetarians.

1. Ginger

Peel it, shape it, stick it somewhere and you shall see. It will make you burn with desire. Figgin’ amazin’!

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