Sperm Essentials – 5 things to know about sperm

13 Aug

Not many people are indifferent to sperm. You either love it, or you hate it. But let’s face it, most of us are pretty ignorant about much else except how it tastes and that they are notorious for causing babies. Since I prefer the naked and nude, I think its time to expose sperm.


5. Longevity

No, sperm cannot grant you immortality. Although, many theories point the humanities obsession with the sucking of bodily fluids has been translated into vampires. However, sperm itself might last longer than you expect. Inside a woman sperm can survive for up to 5 days. Latin-american tele-novelas have whole sub-plots based on this fact. That and also that your brother is probably adopted, so its OK to fall in love with him. Maybe wait for the conclusive evidence first…


4. Skin

So although sperm is not the key to eternal youth (Unless subjected to secret alchemical rituals known only to Madonna and that granny gymnast) it can make you look younger by eliminating wrinkles. The proteins in the sperm tighten the skin, plus the minerals contained in semen such as zinc and potassium are good for your skin anyway. It is the perfect facial. Next time save your money and skip the beauty parlor and just ask your lover for a treatment. It’s much more fun and way cheaper. Who can afford not to have sperm on their face in this economy?


3. Taste

Some people love it sweet, some salty, and a few love it spicy. The taste of sperm is customizable. What a man eats affects the taste of his sperm. So gentlemen, consider your diet. I’ve heard that pineapple juice results in an excellent flavor, but I encourage you to experiment.


2. Speed

If you think the Olympics swimmers are impressive you should have the utmost respect for the little swimmers as they can reach speeds up to 43 miles per hour at ejaculation. For those of you rolling your eyes thinking that is not impressive. That means an ejaculation on the street would violate the speed limit in residential areas. Although your ejaculation was caught on the traffic cam, the speeding ticket is probably the least of your worries.


the price of ignorance. 


1. Some sperm is female

Sperm is often seen as a symbol of masculinity, after all there is little more masculine than sperm. Turns out, sperm can be female as well.  Female sperm is slower but stronger and male sperm is faster but weaker. Sound familiar?


I hope you all leave today’s post slightly more informed and a little more aware of the little wonders. If you’re an expert on sperm, we’d all be happy to hear more about it! And by “all” I mean me.

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